


Don't Look Down

by MysteriousMidnight



Series: Dear Evan Hansen One Shots [18]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Active shooter protocal is based on that time period, Everybody Lives, Getting Together, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Inspired by One Tree Hill, M/M, Major trigger warnings for blood and gore and violence, Mutual Pining, Nobody Dies, None of the main characters at least, One Shot, Past Suicide Attempt, School Shootings, This show took place in the 2000s, Treebros, convan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriousMidnight/pseuds/MysteriousMidnight
Summary: A normal school day turns tragic. Everyone fights to survive. Connor puts his life on the line when he leaves the safety of a locked-down classroom in search of a missing - and possibly injured - Evan.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Series: Dear Evan Hansen One Shots [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757371
Comments: 23
Kudos: 85





	Don't Look Down

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy. So. This is very different from anything I've written so far. The idea came about while I was reading Can't Take The Kid From The Fight by chchchchcherrybomb and vinegarandglitter (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24102670). That fic was inspired by a 2000s teen drama called The O.C. Which made me think about another 2000s teen drama called One Tree Hill. Then my mind spiraled to a particular episode in season 3 about a school shooting. Then I pictured Connor and Evan in a particular scene from that particular episode and, well, here we are.
> 
> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!
> 
> I can promise a happy ending, and that I tried not to make this too graphic. But it IS about a school shooting. There's gunshots, gunshot wounds, blood, etc. Not to mention the other usual warnings for a DEH fic - talk of suicide, self-harm, etc.
> 
> ALSO.. Please note that I KNOW active shooter protocol has changed a LOT since 2006 or whenever this show aired. But I was basing it on what happened in that particular episode and how things were handled then. I also didn't do any major research, so I might not have gotten everything 100% accurate. I did what fit the story. Please be kind.
> 
> With that being said, read with caution, and prepare for feels <3
> 
> Also, giant thanks to Grace for beta reading <3

“Did you finish the math homework?”

Evan rolled his eyes, turning to face Jared. “Yes.”

“Cool, can I copy it?” Jared asked, putting on his best puppy face.

Evan huffed. “No, Jared, you can’t copy it.”

“Come on,” Jared whined. “I can’t go to math class without my homework done _again_. Ms. Hersch will _kill_ me.”

“Well maybe you should have done your homework last night instead of playing that stupid video game.”

Jared scowled at him. “You _used_ to let me copy your homework, before you started hanging around with Murphy. Now you’ve grown a back-bone or some shit.”

Evan pressed his lips together, shaking his head. Before he could formulate a good comeback, Connor appeared beside them.

“Hey, Ev,” he greeted, his lips twitching up into a smile. 

“Speaking of,” Jared grumbled, crossing his arms sullenly.

“Talking about me?” Connor questioned, quirking a brow.

“Absolutely not,” Jared snapped. “I’ve got better things to do than talk about _you_ , Murphy.” He turned to his locker, angrily stuffing the books he no longer needed into it.

Connor glanced at Evan, a question in his eyes. Evan shook his head. He closed his locker and slung his bag back over his shoulder.

“Connor!”

All three of them glanced up as Zoe rounded the corner, ponytail bouncing as she skidded to a stop.

“Mom’s been trying to text you,” she scolded. 

“Oh,” Connor shrugged, looking sheepish. “I forgot my phone in my car. What’s up?”

“She wants to know if Evan’s coming over for dinner again – you forgot to tell her this morning. She’s trying to decide what to make, and how much.”

Evan shifted uncomfortably. “I- I don’t want to be an inconvenience,” he said softly.

“You’re _not_ ,” Connor insisted. “Did you want to come over after school?”

Evan nodded, not trusting himself to speak. If he opened his mouth now, he’d tell Connor that he _always_ wanted to hang out with him. That he never wanted them to be apart. And that would... not be good. Nope. Not good. Flirting with your best friend definitely broke some kind of rule. He wasn’t sure _what_ rule, but he was sure it existed.

“Spending the night?” Connor asked. Much to his delight, Evan nodded a yes to that, too.

“Can I come, too?” Jared quipped, eyes lighting up. “We can watch movies and paint each other’s nails and gossip.”

“Fuck off, Kleinman,” Connor growled.

Zoe shook her head. “Okay, well. Great. I’ll let mom know. Also, I have jazz band rehearsal later, so I won’t need a-“

**BANG.**

Everyone in the hallway froze. For a minute, it was like time stood still.

**BANG.**

And then chaos erupted.

Kids were screaming and running in every direction, shoving and crying and panicking. Backpacks were abandoned, books dropped to the floor with loud thuds, eliciting more screams and panic. Glass shattered. Doors slammed.

Connor tried to grab Evan and Zoe’s hands, but he was shoved into the lockers, pulled along with the tide of students.

“Evan! Zoe” he shouted, trying to run back towards his friend and sister. But the crowd shoved him, hard. He hit the ground, scrambling to get back on his feet. He was nearly trampled when two more bangs sounded in quick succession.

And then he was being grabbed around the neck of his hoodie and yanked backwards.

“No! Get off me!” Connor yelped, fighting against the hands holding him.

“Connor!”

Connor stilled, glancing up. His English teacher, Dr. Donoghue, towered over him, a finger pressed to his lips as he let Connor go. Connor watched him as he ran back to the classroom door, ushered a few more people in, then slammed and locked the door. He threw the light switch, plunging them into semi-darkness. 

“Help me,” Mr. Donoghue said urgently, voice barely above a whisper, as he moved to shove his desk against the door as a barricade. All Connor could do was stare up at him with wide eyes as other students ran to help him.

Once the door had been secured, Mr. Donoghue ushered everyone into the corner of the room, motioning for them to sit down and stay quiet.

“He’s bleeding!” someone cried.

Connor glanced down at himself. He frowned, taking in the blood on the sleeve of his hoodie and distantly processing that his arm was throbbing. He felt like he was having an out of body experience. Like he was disassociating. Except that hadn’t happened in a long time – not since he’d started therapy and meds.

“Connor.”

Connor startled, glancing up at Mr. Donoghue. It clearly wasn’t the first time his teacher had said his name.

“Is he going into shock?” someone asked. Someone else was crying.

“I-“ Connor paused, licking his lips. He glanced at his teacher, his classmates. He took a step towards the door. “Evan. Zoe. I have to- They’re out there.. I need to-“

A hand gripped his arm and yanked him to the floor. Connor stared blankly at Mr. Donoghue.

“Connor, I need to look at arm,” he said calmly. “You need to sit still and let me help you, okay?”

Connor nodded weakly, eyes flicking back to the door. The second Mr. Donoghue let him go to find the first aid kit, he made a break for the exit. Someone slammed into him, dragging him back.

“Dude, you _can't_ open that door.”

Connor stumbled, pulling free. Jared was glaring at him, blocking his path to the door. 

“But...” Connor frowned, pointing at the door. “Evan. I need.. I lost Evan. I need to go find him.”

“You can’t open that door,” Jared repeated firmly. “You risk ALL our lives if you do.”

Connor sagged, eyes welling with tears. “But.. What if-“

Mr. Donoghue gently guided Connor back to the corner, forcing him to sit back down. Jared followed, sinking down beside them.

“Can you take your hoodie off, Connor?” Mr. Donoghue asked gently, placing the first aid kid on the floor beside him.

Connor curled into himself, staring at the floor. No, he didn’t want to take his hoodie off. He wanted to go find Evan and his sister. He _had_ to find them. 

“Connor.”

Connor scowled at Mr. Donoghue. “Fuck off.” But when he tried to stand again, both Mr. Donoghue and Jared held him down.

“Connor, I know you’re worried about your friend and sister,” Mr. Donoghue said, “but we need to have a look at your arm. You won’t be any good to anyone if you bleed to death.”

Connor huffed, but reluctantly unzipped his hoodie. He hesitated before taking it off. He could hear Jared suck in a breath at the sight of his forearms. He hadn’t cut in a few weeks, but the scars littered his arms from wrist to elbow, and many were still fresh against his otherwise pale skin. 

Mr. Donoghue, thankfully, didn’t comment. He simply rolled Connor’s t-shirt sleeve up and examined his arm. 

“Looks like a bullet might have grazed you,” he explained calmly, pulling out gauze and medical tape. “You’ll be alright, Connor.”

No, Connor thought, he wouldn’t be. He wouldn’t be alright. Not until he knew if Evan and Zoe were okay.

~*~*~

Alana was late.

She hated being late. Being late made her feel anxious. But her doctor’s appointment had run longer than expected. She parked a little more haphazardly than she normally would, then grabbed her bag and hurried out of the car and towards the school-

-only to stop short, staring around in shock at the hoards of kids running _away_ from the school.

“Sabrina!” 

Sabrina Patel stopped short, tears streaming down her face.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Alana demanded.

“Someone has a gun,” Sabrina sobbed. “Someone’s in there with a gun.”

Alana’s eyes widened in shock. “I- What?”

“Keep moving!”

Alana tried to protest when a teacher shoved them back, further away from the school.

“But- But- I don’t understand,” Alana protested helplessly. “How? Who?”

Sabrina shook her head, sniffling. “I didn’t see. I just- I heard the shots and I ran. I ran and- Oh god, I saw Connor Murphy. He.. He was on the ground. I don’t know- I just ran.”

“Connor?” Alana asked frantically. “What about Evan? Jared? They- Did you see them? Zoe? Were they okay?”

“I don’t know,” Sabrina sobbed. “I don’t know.”

Sirens sounded in the distance, but Alana felt like she was in a bubble. The only thing she could hear was the pounding of her heart.

~*~*~

“Hey, shut that phone up.”

Zoe startled, quickly silencing the ringing of her phone. She glanced down at the caller ID, but her vision was so blurry from crying, she couldn’t tell who was calling her. 

When she didn’t pick up, a text message popped through, quickly followed by two more.

**Mom: heard there was reoirts of a shoter at the school. Are yiou okay??**

**Mom: zoe please answrr me arw you safe???**

**Mom: I can’t rach cnnor please tell me oure both safe**

Zoe choked back a sob at her mom’s frantic, mistake-riddled messages. She quickly typed out a response. She forced herself to type carefully, so her mom would be able to understand what she was saying. And maybe to counter her mom’s panicked messaging.

**Zoe: I’m in a classroom with other people. I don’t know where Connor is. I lost him in the crowd. He doesn’t have his phone on him.**

**Mom: its goibg t be okay baby**

**Zoe: I love you. Please tell dad I love him too**

Cynthia’s response took longer to come through this time. And when it did, it was typed out perfectly and clearly.

**Mom: We love you too. You’re going to be okay, baby. You’re safe and you’ll be home with us soon.**

Zoe pressed a hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs, hoping her mom was right.

~*~*~

Jared and Mr. Donoghue had Connor sandwiched between them, each gripping an arm to keep him from running out the door. It didn’t stop him from trying, but they refused to let him.

“Connor, you need to stop this,” Mr. Donoghue said firmly, his grip tightening. “I can’t let you go out there.”

The shock of being nearly shot had worn off, and all Connor could think about was finding Evan and Zoe. He had to know if they were okay. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if anything happened to them, and he hadn’t at least tried to find them.

“Okay,” he said hollowly, slumping against Jared. He stopped struggling. Jared and Mr. Donoghue exchanged weary glances, refusing to let go, just in case. When fifteen minutes passed, then twenty, and Connor hadn’t tried to escape, they let their guard down and let go.

Connor clenched his fists, biding his time. Eventually, Mr. Donoghue moved away to check on some of the other students, and Jared took his phone out to try messaging his parents and Evan.

Connor gave it another second, then scrambled to his feet.

“Connor!” Jared hissed, reaching for him and missing.

“I’m going out there,” Connor snapped, backing away as Mr. Donoghue closed in. “You can let me go quietly, or I can put up a fight and attract attention. But I’m not just going to sit here while Evan and Zoe are out there somewhere.”

Mr. Donoghue clenched his jaw. “Connor, be reasonable. What are you going to do against a gun? We don’t even know how many shooters there might be out there.”

“I don’t care,” Connor spit back. “I don’t care. You can’t stop me, Mr. D.” He started shoving the desk aside, the legs screeching across the floor. A few students started sobbing in fear, huddling closer.

“Connor, man, come on,” Jared argued, stepping up beside their teacher. “This is a suicide mission.”

“It’s Evan,” Connor reminded him. “And Zoe.”

Jared grabbed his arm as Connor’s hand landed on the doorknob. “They wouldn’t want you to put yourself at risk for them. They’d want you to stay safe.”

“Let go of me, Jared.”

“Just let him go,” someone cried. “He’s going to get us all killed, just let him go.”

Mr. Donoghue looked up at his students, startled. “We stick together and we stay safe.”

“If he doesn’t shut up, someone’s going to hear him,” someone else argued. “And then we’ll all die.”

Mr. Donoghue moved towards his students, wanting to comfort them, to promise them they’d be safe.

Connor knew he wouldn’t have another opportunity like this. He couldn’t fight off Jared _and_ Mr. Donoghue. While their teacher was distracted, Connor twisted his body around until Jared yelped and let go. He shoved Jared back towards the other students, flipped the lock and stepped out into the hallway, closing the door as quietly as possible behind him.

He heard the lock snap closed again. 

He let out a shaky breath, glancing around the hallway as the sounds of a desk being shoved in front of the door echoed behind him.

Good. They’d be safe now. He set off in search of his friend and sister, hugging the lockers and checking around corners. 

He only hoped he found them before another bullet found him.

~*~*~

“Jared’s okay,” Alana cried, sagging with relief.

“Did he say who else is with him?” Sabrina demanded. 

Alana sniffled, shaking her head. “He said he’s in Mr. Donoghue’s classroom with a bunch of other people.”

They were standing in the parking lot across from the school, surrounded by their fellow students and teachers. Frantic parents had started arriving in droves, and the teachers were struggling to keep them calm. The local cops had arrived within minutes, and Alana could hear them mumbling that SWAT teams and the FBI were on their way, along with every paramedic the city could spare. 

“He said-“ Alana choked back a sob. “He said Connor was with him. He got grazed by a bullet. But- but Connor left. He went to find Evan and Zoe. Jared and Mr. Donoghue tried to stop him but he wouldn’t stop fighting them until they let him go.”

“He’s out of his mind,” Sabrina gasped. “He’s going to get himself killed.”

Alana whimpered, fresh tears falling. Sabrina pulled her into a hug, and Alana sobbed into her shoulder until she felt numb.

Sabrina wanted to offer words of wisdom, or comfort – something. But she knew nothing she said would help. All they could do was wait, and pray their friends would be safe.

~*~*~

There was a trail of blood near Evan’s locker. Connor tried not to think the worst. He couldn’t think the worst. He couldn’t lose it now. He had to keep it together. Maybe it wasn’t even Evan’s.

But it was the only lead he had right now. He couldn’t stay in the hall forever, and it wasn’t like any of the classrooms lining the way would let him in. If Evan and Zoe were in one of them, then at least they were as safe as they could be. 

So Connor followed the trail of blood. Because _someone_ was injured. Whether it was someone he loved or not, he couldn’t ignore it. He had to find out if the person it belonged to was okay. 

He miraculously didn’t run into anyone else in the halls, though every once in awhile, he heard another faint **BANG** and scattered screams. He tried to ignore them, tried to focus on following the blood and not looking at any of the bodies he passed longer than was necessary. He checked for signs of movement, for the occasional pulse; he made sure none of them were Zoe or Evan, and then he moved on.

Finally, after what felt like an hour but was probably no more than twenty minutes, the blood trail stopped at the library doors. The ones that didn’t lock. 

Connor took a deep breath, then pushed them open.

~*~*~

Zoe kept trying to text Connor, forgetting his phone was in his car. And then she’d remember and start sobbing again. She tried messaging Evan, but he wasn’t responding, either.

Dana P. crawled across the floor so she was beside Zoe. “Hey, we’re gonna be okay, Zo.”

Zoe sniffled, shaking her head. “I don’t know. I just- I can’t reach my brother,” she admitted, looking up at Dana with watery eyes.

Dana was new this year, and a senior. Zoe wouldn’t even know who she was, except Dana was in jazz band with her. She was the only person in the room that Zoe knew, and even though they weren’t close, it was a relief to have a familiar face. It made her feel safer.

Dana took her hand and squeezed. “He’ll be okay. I’m sure he’s hiding somewhere with other people, I’m sure he’s safe.”

Zoe sniffled, shaking her head. “I was standing _right_ next to him,” Zoe confessed. “ _Right_ next to him. And Evan and Jared. And I- I- I tried to grab onto them. I almost had Evan. I swear I had his hand in mine. I was reaching for Connor, and then somehow I lost Evan and-“ Her voice broke on a sob. “I thought they were right behind me but when I turned around-“

“Murphy was probably chatting with his shooter buddies,” someone snapped. “He’s fine, they wouldn’t shoot one of their own.”

Zoe gasped in shock, eyes widening.

“Matt, you fuck,” Dana snapped. “What a fucked up thing to say to his _little sister_. What a fucked up thing to say _at all_.”

Matt had the decency to look ashamed when he glanced at Zoe. But when he turned back to Dana, he scowled.

“Enough,” someone else snapped. Zoe glanced up at the teacher who stood before them. “We are in an active shooter situation. We have no idea what’s happening out there, and your comments are completely insensitive and uncalled for, Mr. Holtzer. I’m disgusted and disappointed. As the senior class treasurer, you should be ashamed. When this is over, we’ll be having a conversation with the principal and your parents.”

Matt turned red, whether with anger or shame, Zoe didn’t know. But she was grateful for the teacher, whoever they were.

Dana turned her attention back to Zoe, pulling the younger girl into a side hug.

“I have a little sister,” Dana told Zoe. “She’s in middle school, so she’s not here. If she were- I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. But from what I’ve seen, Connor is strong. He’ll be okay. You have to believe that, okay?”

Zoe nodded, sniffling. “Thank you,” she mumbled, dropping her head onto Dana’s shoulder. Dana squeezed her arm.

~*~*~

The library door softly clicked shut.

Evan tensed, pressing a hand against his mouth to silence his terrified whimper. Tears spilled silently down his face.

He could hear footsteps on the tile floor, getting closer and closer.

In his head, he said goodbye to his mom, to Connor, to Jared and Zoe and Alana.

He never thought he’d have friends. He’d started senior year with a broken arm from a failed suicide attempt. He hadn’t expected anything to be different this year; hadn’t expected to make it out alive.

And then he’d met Connor and things had gotten better. Connor was his friend. Evan wanted them to be more than friends, but he’d been content to just have Connor in his life, in any way he could have him.

He’d gotten closer with Jared, too. And Alana. They had a lot of classes together this year and they’d sort of gravitated towards each other. And he’d sort of become friends with Zoe, thanks to hanging out with Connor. He had friends, as weird as that still was to think. But he did.

As the footsteps grew closer, a hysterical laugh bubbled out of him. He finally had a life worth living. He didn’t want to die. For the first time in years, he didn’t want to die.

The footsteps halted.

Evan paled. His laughter had given him away.

For the first time in years, he didn’t want to die. But he was about to.

He started crying harder, his entire body shaking like a leaf. He wasn’t sure if that was from fear or the amount of blood he’d lost. Maybe both.

Evan hunched in on himself, pressing his face to his knees. He didn’t want to see the gun in his face. Didn’t want to see the moment the trigger was pulled.

He trembled as the footsteps echoed against the tile right beside him, and he prepared for the **BANG** and the pain and just hoped it would be fast and-

“Evan!”

Evan screamed as a hand came down on his shoulder, eyes flying open.

“C-Connor?” Evan sobbed, voice still edged with panic and fear.

Connor dropped down beside him, grasping his arms and pulling him into a hug.

“I thought- I thought you were-“ Evan tried to explain, but he couldn’t get the words out. He buried his face in Connor’s chest and sobbed.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Connor murmured. “I’ve got you. You’re safe now. I’m gonna get you out of here, okay? Let’s go.” Connor tried to tug him to his feet, but Evan resisted.

“I can’t,” Evan sobbed. “I tried. I tried to walk and I- I tried but I can’t.”

Connor frowned, following Evan’s gaze to his leg. He paled, cursing under his breath. There was so much blood. It stood out against the tan of Evan’s khakis, smeared on the white tile floor from Evan collapsing and dragging himself into a sitting position.

“Okay,” Connor nodded, sitting beside him. He wrapped an arm around his friend, holding him close. “It’s okay, alright? You’re gonna be okay. We’ll just- we’ll just stay here and wait it out, okay?”

Evan nodded into Connor’s chest.

“We just-“ Connor licked his lips. “I need to go barricade the door, okay?”

“Don’t leave me,” Evan cried, fisting his hand in Connor’s hoodie. “Please, Connor, please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, I promise I won’t,” Connor assured him. “But I need to keep you safe and that means barricading the doors. I promise I’ll be right back, okay?”

Evan sniffled, but let go of Connor’s shirt, nodding. Connor hesitated before kissing the side of his head.

“I’ll be fast, I promise.”

Connor stood, carefully peering out from behind their hiding place to make sure the coast was clear. He did his best to keep his eyes up, to not look at the bodies sprawled on the floor. When he was sure it was safe, he ran as fast and as quietly as he could, shoving desks, chairs and bookshelves into the way of the door - anything and everything he could manage to move. He cursed whoever had decided the library doors didn’t need a lock.

And then he was back beside Evan.

“I need to try to look at your leg, okay?” Connor asked gently, hands hovering but afraid to touch.

Evan nodded, resting his head on the bookshelf behind him. “Glass,” he mumbled, eyes fluttering closed. “It sh-shattered when- It hurts..”

Connor tried to carefully roll Evan’s pant leg up, but he sobbed in pain. Connor grimaced, pressing his fingers near the wound, lifting a flap of torn khaki up.

It wasn’t glass.

“Okay,” Connor said carefully, trying to keep his voice light so he wouldn’t scare Evan. “I need to put pressure on this, okay? Or- or find something to make a tourniquet. It’s going to hurt, but I need you to try to stay quiet, okay?”

“Okay,” Evan mumbled, eyes closing.

Connor glanced around before grabbing what looked like someone’s gym bag. He yanked out a shirt, tying it as tightly as he could just above Evan’s wound.

“I’m cold,” Evan said quietly. “And tired. I’m- I’m so tired, Connor.”

“I know you’re tired, but I need you to stay awake, okay?” Connor said firmly, unzipping his hoodie. It was difficult because Evan was like a rag doll, but Connor managed to get his arms into it. He zipped it all the way up and scooted closed, wrapping his arms around him.

“You’re bleeding,” Evan realized, pointing at Connor’s shirt sleeve.

“I’m fine, it was just a graze. Don’t worry about that,” Connor said quickly, rubbing a hand up and down Evan’s arm to try to chase away his chills. “Just focus on staying awake, okay?”

“Trying,” Evan promised, head dropping onto Connor’s shoulder. “Please don’t leave me.”

Connor shook his head, tightening his hold. “Not going anywhere. We’re gonna get out of here, okay? I promise.”

~*~*~

Jared wasn’t sure how much time had passed. He wasn’t sure if Evan was alive. Wasn’t sure if Connor had found him.

He knew Alana was okay, at least. He’d managed to text her and his parents. Alana had assured him that they’d be safe soon - the cops and FBI and SWAT teams were there now. Ambulances were lining up, ready and waiting. Parents were starting to arrive. Everyone would be okay. They just had to wait a little longer.

Jared stared down blankly at his phone, at the newest text message he’d received.

**Heidi: Heard from your mom that you’re safe. So glad you’re okay, sweetie. Is Evan with you? He hasn’t answered his phone.**

Jared blinked back tears. He didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know if Evan was okay. Why wasn’t he answering his phone? Was Connor with him? Were they both dead?

Jared pocketed his phone. He couldn’t think about that right now. Couldn’t think about the fact that Evan had been _right_ in front of him, and he hadn’t been able to pull him to safety.

If anything happened to him..

No. Connor had found him. He had to believe Connor had found him, and that they were both okay. He just had to. He couldn’t entertain the idea that something had happened to either of them.

He just couldn’t. It wasn’t an option.

~*~*~

“So tired,” Evan mumbled, eyes fluttering closed again.

“Talk to me, Ev,” Connor said firmly. “Tell me a story.”

“Story?” Evan mumbled, forcing his eyes open. “I’m not good at telling stories.”

“Tell me about something. Anything. Tell me- tell me about the first time you climbed a tree. Or- or the first time you rode a bike or- I don’t know, just talk to me.”

“It’s not glass,” Evan said.

“What?” Connor asked, furrowing his brow.

“In my leg. It’s not glass, is it?” Evan was slurring his words now.

Connor hesitated, but shook his head. “No. No, it’s not glass. It’s a bullet.”

Evan nodded, sniffling. “Tell my mom-“

“No,” Connor said firmly. “No, don’t do that. You can tell her yourself when you see her.”

“I’m tired,” Evan reminded him.

“I know,” Connor said again, shaking his head. “But you’re gonna be okay, Ev.”

Evan was silent for so long, Connor shook him, fearing he’d passed out. He grunted in protest, blinking up slowly at Connor.

“Connor?”

“Yeah?”

Evan reached out a shaking hand, curling it in Connor’s hoodie again, his grip looser than it had been before.

“I need you to know-“

“Don't, Evan,” Connor snapped. “Don’t say goodbye. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Please,” Evan sighed, dropping his head onto Connor’s shoulder again. “Please, let me- I need to say this.”

Connor blinked back tears. He couldn’t fall apart. Not now. Evan needed him to be strong. “Okay, Ev. Okay.”

“I need you to know-“ Evan paused, swallowing. “I need you to know that I love you.”

“I love you, too, Ev,” Connor assured him. “You’re my best friend, and you’re-“

“No,” Evan said firmly. He was so tired and his brain was so fuzzy. He just wanted to sleep. But he needed to say this. “No, I- I _love_ you, I’m- I’m _in_ love with you. I can’t- I know you couldn’t ever- you probably don’t feel the same way, but-“

“Evan,” Connor choked, his tears coming faster and harder now.

“Please,” Evan begged. “So tired. Need to- need to say this. Please.” When Connor remained silent, Evan continued. “You make me happy, Connor. I didn’t think- I wasn’t supposed to be here. I wasn’t supposed to make it to-to senior year-“

“What?” Connor asked sharply.

Evan shook his head. He was so tired and weak and it was a struggle to speak. But he had to try. Connor needed to know.

“But I’m glad I did because it meant I got to now you,” Evan continued, voice growing weaker with each word. “I can’t- I don’t want to die without you knowing how much I love you. How _in love_ with you I am.”

Connor was full on sobbing now. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I love you, too, Evan. I’m _in love_ with you, too. I have been for a long time.”

Evan smiled softly, eyes fluttering closed. “Oh. I- I didn’t think..” He licked his lips again. “I- thank you. Even if you don’t mean that, thank you for- for saying it.”

“I mean it, Evan,” Connor said firmly, holding him tighter, as tight as he dared. “I love you so much. We’re going to get out of here and we’re going to be okay, okay? I love you, Evan. Please stay awake. Please stay with me.”

Evan nodded into Connor’s shoulder, pressing his lips into his arm in a soft kiss. He lifted his head, forcing his eyes open.

“Will you hold it against me if I kiss you right now? I don’t want to die without knowing what it’s like to kiss you.”

Connor choked back a sob. He shifted so he was facing Evan, cupping his cheek. He was so cold and clammy, yet burning up at the same time. He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Evan’s lips.

“Thank you,” Evan sighed, his head dropping to Connor’s shoulder again. “I love you.”

“Please, Evan,” Connor sobbed, holding him close and petting his hair. “Stay awake, okay? We’re gonna be okay.”

Evan didn’t respond.

~*~*~

There was noise in the hallway. Loud screams and crashes and bullets.

Because Zoe now knew what bullets sounded like. It was a sound she would never forget.

Dana held her tighter. Everyone huddled closer to each other, eyes trained on the door.

They heard more **BANGS** , in quick succession. They heard some shouting.

And then pounding on the door.

Zoe sobbed, hiding her face in Dana’s shoulder. Dana stared at the door, unable to look away. Matt appeared to be praying, mumbling something they couldn’t hear. A few kids were grabbing their phones, trying to send frantic, last minute text messages to loved ones.

The door was kicked open.

Everyone screamed, ducking.

“Police! Hands in the air, everyone, now!”

Everyone obeyed, caught between still fearing they were in danger and the panicked relief that they were safe.

“Everyone stand up slowly, hands up,” the SWAT leader ordered. “We’re gonna walk single file out of the building. Keep your hands up and keep your eyes straight ahead of you. Don’t look down. When we get outside, an officer is going to pat you down, and then you’ll calmly move away from the school. There’s a waiting area in the parking lot across the street. Check in at the tables there. No one leaves without an adult.”

Everyone obeyed, numb and in shock and unable to process that they were leaving. That they were safe. That this was almost over.

Zoe didn’t want to think about the officer’s warning to not look down. She didn’t want to think about what she’d see.

~*~*~

“Heidi!”

Heidi startled, but her shoulders relaxed when she realized who was approaching her. She fell into Cynthia’s arms, holding tight. When Cynthia pulled away, Larry hugged her.

“Have you heard from Zoe or Connor?” Heidi asked frantically, tears streaming down her face.

“Zoe. Zoe’s safe,” Cynthia affirmed. “But we- we haven’t heard from Connor. Have you-“

“Evan isn’t answering his phone,” Heidi sobbed. Cynthia pulled Heidi into another hug, rubbing her back. They stayed that way for a long time, trying to draw strength from each other.

“Cynthia!” Larry said suddenly, pointing.

Cynthia and Heidi looked up as Zoe ran across the grass, throwing herself into her mom’s arms.

“Mommy!” Zoe sobbed, burying her face in her mom’s chest. “I was so scared.”

Larry came up behind her, wrapping his arms around his wife and daughter and holding them as tight as he possibly could.

It was several minutes before they let go.

“I tried,” Zoe sobbed. “I tried to grab Evan and Connor. They were _right there_. I had Evan’s hand in mine and I _lost_ him. I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry, Heidi. I don’t know- I don’t know if they’re okay.”

Heidi pulled Zoe into a hug, petting her hair. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Zoe. You’re safe. They’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

Heidi wasn’t sure who she was trying to reassure more - herself or Zoe.

“Zoe! Heidi!”

They all looked up as Jared came running up to them.

“Oh, Jared!” Heidi sobbed, holding Zoe in one arm and pulling Jared in with the other. “Thank god you’re okay. I saw your parents, they’re just over there,” she said, nodding to the right.

Mr. and Mrs. Kleinman must have heard Heidi say their son’s name, because suddenly they were there, sobbing as they sandwiched Jared between them, holding him so tightly, he had to finally squirm away.

“I tried,” Jared said suddenly, looking to Larry and Cynthia, tears streaming down his face. “I tried to get Connor to stay. But he wouldn’t.”

“What do you mean, get him to stay?” Larry asked worriedly, holding a sobbing Cynthia close.

“We were sheltering in the same classroom,” Jared explained quickly. “But he left to go find Evan and Zoe. I tried to stop him, but he- I’m so sorry.”

Cynthia sobbed, and Heidi pulled Jared into another hug, rubbing his back.

“Jared! Zoe! Oh, thank goodness!” Alana cried, barreling into Jared, Zoe and Heidi. “I was so scared!” She sniffled. “Where are Connor and Evan? Are they here, too?”

Heidi let out a choked sob, letting Cynthia pull her in again. Alana’s face fell.

“They’ll be okay,” Larry said firmly. “Those boys are smart, and they’re stubborn as hell. They’ll be okay. They _have_ to be okay.”

~*~*~

Connor pressed his hand against Evan’s leg, directly over the wound. Evan barely made a noise, barely moved.

“I have to get you out of here,” Connor said firmly. “We can’t- I can’t wait any longer. We have to go, okay? I’m gonna get you out, okay? Do you trust me? Ev?”

Evan didn’t respond. Connor could feel Evan’s ragged breath against his neck. He stood, hating that he had to leave Evan, even just for a few minutes, but he had to get the doorway cleared. When he was done, he made his way back to Evan. He was so pale, so still. Connor had to shake him again. He blearily opened his eyes.

“Evan, stay with me, okay? I promise you’ll be okay. Just stay awake,” Connor begged, running his hand through Evan’s hair and cupping his clammy cheek. “Open your eyes, Evan. You’re-“

The library door slammed open.

Connor choked back a sob, kneeling in front of Evan, shielding him with his body. He listened as footsteps approached, heart pounding harder when he realized there was more than one person. He could tackle one person. He could fight one person.

Not several people.

He hung his head, hating that he’d broken his promise to Evan. That he couldn’t keep Evan safe. But at least they were together. At least-

“Police! Anyone in here? Hands up!”

Connor gasped, hope blooming in his chest. But he was too scared to speak up. What if it was the shooter? What if they were trying to trick people into coming out of hiding? What if he gave away their location?

And then he was staring up at the barrel of a gun. Terror quickly turned to relief when he realized it was help. That they were safe.

“Hands up! Don’t move!”

Connor threw his hands into the air, sobbing harder. “Please, my friend! Help my friend!”

“We need medics in the library, _now_!” The officer barked into his walkie. A voice crackled back an affirmative, and Connor sobbed harder.

~*~*~

“Look! They’re sending paramedics in!” Jared cried, pointing at the school.

Everyone stood in tense silence, holding each other close. They watched as more students emerged from the school, hands in the air.

Over the next few minutes, paramedics began pouring out of the school, wheeling stretchers and barking orders, loading ambulances and speeding off, sirens blaring. Officers and school administrators made their way over, calling out the names of parents and pulling them aside.

“Heidi Hansen?”

Heidi froze, looking up at the officer calling her name.

“Is there a Heidi Hansen here?”

“I-“ Heidi tried, but her voice caught in her throat.

“She’s here,” Larry spoke up, dropping a hand on Heidi’s shoulder and squeezing.

Heidi stumbled backwards as the officer approached, shaking her head. Larry had to grab her to stop her from falling.

“Is your son Evan Hansen?”

Heidi nodded mutely.

“Can you confirm what he was we wearing today?”

“I-“ Heidi licked her lips, throat dry and tears streaming down her face again.

“Blue polo and tan khakis,” Jared said quickly. “Is he okay? Is Evan okay?”

“He’s on his way to the hospital,” the office explained.

Heidi screamed, dropping her head into her hands and sobbing.

“Is he okay? Will he be okay?” Jared demanded.

The officer glanced at him, then back at Heidi. “We can escort you to the hospital, if you need-“

“We’ll take her,” Larry said quickly. “What about Connor Murphy? Have you seen Connor Murphy?”

The officer checked a piece of paper in his hand, then nodded up at Larry. “He’s on his way to the hospital, too.”

Cynthia sobbed, shaking her head. Jared and Alana pulled Zoe into a group hug, trying to steady her.

“Patients are being taken to Mercy Hospital,” the officer explained, before walking away, calling more names.

~*~*~

The drive to the hospital was tense. Nobody spoke. They had to park across the street, and show ID to get in. Only immediate family was allowed, so Jared and Alana had to stay with their families, watching as Heidi and the Murphy’s disappeared inside.

They were led to a waiting area with other families, told a doctor would come get them as soon as there was news.

Over the next two hours, families were led out of the waiting room. They didn’t come back.

Finally, a doctor called for Larry and Cynthia.

“Your son is gong to be fine,” the doctor assured them immediately. “The bullet just grazed his arm. He needed stitches but he’ll be okay. I can take you to him.”

Cynthia sobbed into Larry’s arms, shaking with relief. Zoe held tight to her dad’s side, chin trembling. Connor was okay. He would be okay. But what about-

“Heidi Hansen?”

Heidi looked up, looking lost and young and sad. It took a minute before she could stand, walking stiffly to the doctor who had called her name.

“Your son is going to be fine,” the doctor assured her, in the same gentle tone the other doctor had used with the Murphy’s. Like it was rehearsed. Like they’d all agreed those had to be the first words they said, to reassure the terrified parents that all would be well.

Heidi sobbed, falling to her knees in relief. Larry and Cynthia helped her to her feet.

“He was hit in the leg and lost a lot of blood, but he’ll be okay. He’ll need physical therapy and he’s got a long road ahead of him, but he’ll recover. He’s very, very lucky his friend was with him. He managed to slow the bleeding, and kept him talking. It saved his life.”

“His friend?” Heidi asked blankly, her brain feeling fuzzy as she came down from the shock and adrenaline rush that the last few hours caused.

The doctor glanced at her clipboard. “Connor Murphy.”

Larry and Cynthia choked back shocked gasps, as Heidi sobbed harder.

“They’re in the same room,” the doctor noted, a soft smile on her face. “Connor insisted. Would you like to go see them now?”

“Please,” Larry said quickly, grabbing his wife’s hand. Zoe linked arms with Heidi, helping to keep her steady.

Evan’s doctor held a hand up. “Evan’s awake, but he’s very groggy. He’s on a lot of pain medicine.”

Heidi nodded, then followed both doctors and the Murphy’s. The doctors stayed outside, motioning for everyone else to go in.

They all stopped short, trying to process the scene before them.

Connor had crawled into Evan’s bed and was holding him close, planting gentle kisses on the top of his head. Connor had his hoodie back on, and Evan was clenching his hand into the fabric, like he was scared Connor would disappear if he let go.

“Connor,” Cynthia sobbed.

“Evan?” Heidi asked tentatively, tears filling her eyes.

Connor glanced up at them, eyes widening for just a second. Then he scooted closer to Evan, almost defiantly, like he was daring them to tell him he had to move.

Zoe hung back while her parents and Heidi approached either side of the bed. Larry and Cynthia stepped up beside Connor, while Heidi moved to the other side, closer to Evan.

“Mom?” Evan mumbled, struggling to keep his eyes open. He pressed closer to Connor, dropping his head onto Connor’s chest; he was too tired to hold himself up.

“Oh, baby,” Heidi sobbed, grabbing his free hand - the one not keeping a death grip on Connor’s hoodie - and squeezing. “I’m here, Evan. I’m here.”

Evan’s face scrunched up as tears fell. “Mommy.”

“I’m here, baby. You’re safe.” Heidi glanced at Connor, tears streaming down her face. “You kept him safe. The doctor- they said he’s alive because of you.”

Connor’s chin trembled as Heidi ran a hand through his hair.

“Thank you,” she sniffled. “Thank you for keeping him safe. I- he’s my whole world.” She looked back at Evan, who seemed to have fallen asleep. “I don’t know what I would have done-“

Cynthia reached over and squeezed Heidi’s arm, then turned back to Connor, pulling him into an awkward side hug, sobbing into his shoulder.

~*~*~

When Evan woke up, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. He was still exhausted, but he felt more alert than he had earlier. His whole body hurt, not just his leg - although that throbbed more than anything. But he felt warm and safe with Connor curled beside him, snoring softly.

He blinked away the grittiness in his eyes, unclenching his hand from Connor’s hoodie just a little bit; his fingers had started to go numb from holding on for so long.

When he scanned the room, he saw Heidi curled up in a chair in the corner. The second she saw he was awake, she sprang to his side.

“Hey, baby,” she said softly, taking his hand. “How are you feeling?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice caught in his throat. He licked his lips. Heidi seemed to understand. She reached for a glass on the bedside table and held it up.

“Ice chips,” she said gently. He opened his mouth and she tilted some in.

Evan sighed, sucking on the ice. He leaned into the hand Heidi placed gently on his cheek.

“How do you feel?” She asked again, after he’d eaten several mouthfuls of ice chips.

“Tired,” he admitted. “Sore.”

Heidi tried not to start crying again. “I’m sure.” She sniffled. “I’m- I’m so glad- When I got the call that there had been a shooting-“ her voice cracked. She cleared her throat. “And you weren’t answering your phone- I just-“

Evan reached for her, and she stepped closer, taking his hand again.

“I’m just- I’m so glad you’re okay, baby. I’m so glad Connor was there-“ She licked her lips. “He hasn’t left your side.”

Evan blushed, hiding his face in Connor’s shoulder long enough to breathe in his scent. He glanced back up at his mom, who was smiling softly at him.

“Tired,” Evan sighed, curling closer to Connor.

“Sleep, baby,” Heidi said gently. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

~*~*~

When Evan woke up for the third time, Connor was staring down at him.

“Hi,” Connor said softly, rubbing Evan’s back.

“Hi,” Evan parroted, licking his lips. “Thank you.”

Connor frowned, quirking his brow in question.

“For saving me,” Evan said. “For- for coming to find me, and not leaving me alone.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Connor dismissed him. “You’re my best friend, and I love you. I never would have forgiven myself if- If I hadn’t-“

Evan nodded, reaching a hand up and brushing Connor’s hair out of his face. He rubbed a strand between his fingers, then let his hand drop to Connor’s chest.

“Do- Do you remember what you said?” Connor asked worriedly.

Evan blushed, hiding his face against Connor’s shoulder and nodding.

“And do you remember what I- what I said?”

“Yes,” Evan mumbled. “You- It’s okay if you didn’t mean it. If you only said it to keep me calm or whatever. I- You saved my life, so.”

“Evan, look at me,” Connor said firmly. When Evan obeyed, he leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips. “I meant it.”

“Oh,” Evan mumbled, eyes wide with shock. 

“I love you so much,” Connor insisted, brushing Evan’s hair back from his face. “I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

“I love you, too,” Evan said again. “More than anything in this world.”

Connor gently pulled him closer, mindful of his leg. Evan curled into his arms. It wasn’t long before he was snoring again. Connor kissed the top of his head. He hated that it had taken a tragedy for them to admit their feelings to each other. But now they had their wholes lives ahead of them, and Connor wasn’t going to take any of it for granted. Whatever time they had together was precious. Evan was precious. And he’d make sure he reminded Evan of that every chance he got.

He drifted to sleep, feeling at peace for the first time all day, with Evan warm and safe in his arms.


End file.
